Last year, my holistic M.D. described what was happening to me physically as a “wrench being thrown into my system,” implying that there might have been one thing (the wrench) that initially started the downward spiral, but from there, everything was disturbed, like a domino affect. It rang true to me when she said it considering my understanding of the interconnectedness of the body. You can’t have something go wrong without it affecting almost every other part of your body in some way. Even though I didn’t know what initiated the downward spiral, I could work toward restoring the system holistically.
I have had theories of what this wrench in the system might have been, but the other day, I discovered what it actually was. One year and 9 months later. I was excited at first, relieved. And then sad. If I just would have avoided this one thing, this all might not have happened.
But very quickly, I knew I did not regret what had happened and the upheaval that it had caused. What else would have lead me to leave social work and do something that I was really meant to do? Nothing short of chaos would have. I had NO idea I wasn’t in the right career. And of course, it was not coincidence that “the wrench” was revealed to me at a time when I am now so sure that I am exactly where I am supposed to be.
And all those things in the previous blog entry about what my body has been telling me? I wouldn’t have learned those things and countless others if I could have just written the chaos off with one reason.
I don’t feel like naming what the wrench was, and I really don’t want to spend too much time thinking or writing about it. I’m moving forward now. I’m excited about the future. And I have no regrets.
