Speaking of moment to moment graces. God gave me a HUGE clue in the healing journey last night. I woke up in the middle of the night dizzy after dreaming about water. So I went to the kitchen and poured myself some water. I laid back in bed and as I was drifting off to sleep, I heard (or thought) the word "electrolytes!" Electrolytes? What is an electrolyte? It sounded familiar from like 7th grade science class, but I seriously had no idea what an electrolyte was! I immediately got up and wikipedia-ed it. I won't bore you with details about it, but I learned that a deficiency in it can cause muscle problems (one of my main complaints) and it told me how to regain them.
I went back to bed excited about another piece of the puzzle! Glory to God!
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Monday, March 9, 2009
balance and waiting
Did I tell you I had a sensitive body? Hmm . . . maybe you're getting that. Well I most definitely do. To the extreme. And I'm slowly learning to accept it and work with it. This is SO hard. Sometimes I feel like I'm running around in circles trying to please my body. "You want serotonin? Here you go. Too much? Sorry. Oh more now? What about protein? You want protein? Here you go. Too much?" Okay you get the point.
I want a magic solution so bad that I go overboard when I come to a realization of what my body needs. . . When all my body really wants is BALANCE.
And it's hard, very hard to not feel abandoned by God during this healing journey even though there are many many ways that God has shown me that God is right here with me. But when I'm feeling overwhelmed and frustrated with my current situation, it's hard to think about God knowing exactly what I need and not telling me or not fixing it right away.
This is where WAITING needs to happen and PATIENCE and FAITH and TRUST. Waiting for God's moment to moment graces, believing that God will give me everything I need in every moment. Wow- if I can master that lesson what an easy life this would be! ha.
I want a magic solution so bad that I go overboard when I come to a realization of what my body needs. . . When all my body really wants is BALANCE.
And it's hard, very hard to not feel abandoned by God during this healing journey even though there are many many ways that God has shown me that God is right here with me. But when I'm feeling overwhelmed and frustrated with my current situation, it's hard to think about God knowing exactly what I need and not telling me or not fixing it right away.
This is where WAITING needs to happen and PATIENCE and FAITH and TRUST. Waiting for God's moment to moment graces, believing that God will give me everything I need in every moment. Wow- if I can master that lesson what an easy life this would be! ha.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
be careful what you pray for
I'm sure there are many many things that brought me to this rest and recovery time. But today, I remembered two things I prayed for at the end of last year. One prayer was, "God- help me to walk the Earth like I'm supposed to walk the Earth." It was in regard to the body work I was doing with my chiropractors. There were some places that were getting stuck and were not unwinding, and I didn't know why since I go to my chiropractor's weekly. Now I realize that some emotional work (major emotional work) needs to be done before I can move past those stuck places.
Also realizing that I am getting closer and closer to the age where I would like to have kids, I started getting extremely fearful last November and December about it. I was thoroughly enjoying my time of stability and was scared that pregnancy, birth, and a new child would throw me off balance. I remember praying, "God- prepare me for having children." And what better way to prepare me for child birth, than . . . you guessed it- more emotional work!
Yay.
Also realizing that I am getting closer and closer to the age where I would like to have kids, I started getting extremely fearful last November and December about it. I was thoroughly enjoying my time of stability and was scared that pregnancy, birth, and a new child would throw me off balance. I remember praying, "God- prepare me for having children." And what better way to prepare me for child birth, than . . . you guessed it- more emotional work!
Yay.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
venture to the rose garden
Today around 4:00 I felt the urge to walk to the rose garden. It looked like it was going to start raining again so I’m not sure why I heard a voice tell me, “Go to the rose garden!” But the voice was persistent, so I layered on my clothes, grabbed my umbrella, and ventured to the neighborhood garden.
To my delight, two huge and handsome wild turkeys met me at the entrance! They had shiny feathered coats and were eating some peanuts someone had thrown at the base of a tree. I said hello and watched them eat from no more than five feet away. I told them they had little heads and big bodies. They told me I looked funny too, especially with a big black thing above my head. I told them it was an umbrella and they asked what it was for. I told them to keep the rain off me of course! They looked at me, and shook their feathers, showing me that the rain just slides right off THEIR shiny rainbow coats. I told them I was not so lucky to be born with feathers. They looked at me with pity. I quickly changed the subject to that of the peanuts they were eating and how they looked like they tasted good. They agreed that they were delicious, and all three of us seemed relieved to find something we all could relate to.
So anyways, thanks for the nudging, Spirit.
To my delight, two huge and handsome wild turkeys met me at the entrance! They had shiny feathered coats and were eating some peanuts someone had thrown at the base of a tree. I said hello and watched them eat from no more than five feet away. I told them they had little heads and big bodies. They told me I looked funny too, especially with a big black thing above my head. I told them it was an umbrella and they asked what it was for. I told them to keep the rain off me of course! They looked at me, and shook their feathers, showing me that the rain just slides right off THEIR shiny rainbow coats. I told them I was not so lucky to be born with feathers. They looked at me with pity. I quickly changed the subject to that of the peanuts they were eating and how they looked like they tasted good. They agreed that they were delicious, and all three of us seemed relieved to find something we all could relate to.
So anyways, thanks for the nudging, Spirit.
Monday, March 2, 2009
listen
Sloooowing doooown . . . living in the moment . . . listening . . . and appreciating the “mundane”. These are some of the positive things that are being revived in my life right now.
When I was at my job, I could not enjoy cooking. I was hungry when I came home from work and would normally throw together one of my boring “regulars.” Now during the day, I think about, “what am I going to cook for dinner?” And I have time to be creative, flip through recipe books, and learn new meals. And as long as I start cooking earlier so I’m not starving, I can slow down the cooking process and actually enjoy it. I used to think, “I’m-so-hungry-and tired-I can’t-wait-until-I’m-done-cooking-so-I-can-sit-in-front of-the-TV-and-eat-this-food!” Now I think, “I am . . . cutting this carrot. . . What a beautiful carrot! . . . .Now I am . . . . chopping this zucchini. . .What a beautiful zucchini!”
I like getting to know this new way of being. I have time during the day to think about people I love and wonder what they’re doing. Last Monday, my chiropractors came into my mind and I started praying for them. I thought to myself, “They’re in labor right now. They’re having their baby,” and so I started prayed harder. A few days later I found out, that I was right; they had their baby on the exact day I was praying for them.
My energy worker thinks that ESP is going to be used a lot more in the very near future. Whether you call it Intuition, ESP, or the Holy Spirit, it’s nice to have time to listen.
When I was at my job, I could not enjoy cooking. I was hungry when I came home from work and would normally throw together one of my boring “regulars.” Now during the day, I think about, “what am I going to cook for dinner?” And I have time to be creative, flip through recipe books, and learn new meals. And as long as I start cooking earlier so I’m not starving, I can slow down the cooking process and actually enjoy it. I used to think, “I’m-so-hungry-and tired-I can’t-wait-until-I’m-done-cooking-so-I-can-sit-in-front of-the-TV-and-eat-this-food!” Now I think, “I am . . . cutting this carrot. . . What a beautiful carrot! . . . .Now I am . . . . chopping this zucchini. . .What a beautiful zucchini!”
I like getting to know this new way of being. I have time during the day to think about people I love and wonder what they’re doing. Last Monday, my chiropractors came into my mind and I started praying for them. I thought to myself, “They’re in labor right now. They’re having their baby,” and so I started prayed harder. A few days later I found out, that I was right; they had their baby on the exact day I was praying for them.
My energy worker thinks that ESP is going to be used a lot more in the very near future. Whether you call it Intuition, ESP, or the Holy Spirit, it’s nice to have time to listen.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
What do I do?
Man, have I ever had a job that I’ve thrived at? This last one came the closest. I loved my clients to death and appreciated the relative amount of autonomy that I had. But apparently, that wasn’t enough to sustain me.
I know other 20 and 30-somethings that just keep going back to school because that’s what they’re good at. I don’t really want to go back to school. I was good at it. But I don’t love it like some people do. But shit, this job thing is HARD!
I’m reading “The Highly Sensitive Person” by Elaine Aron. It talks about how 15-20% of the population are “Highly Sensitive People” which means our nervous systems are more sensitive to subtleties. Our sight, hearing, and sense of smell are not necessarily keener, although they may be (mine are), but our brain processes information and reflects on it more deeply. And unfortunately it also means that we tend to be more easily overstimulated, stressed out, overwhelmed. The trait is not something new--it has been mislabeled as shyness, introversion (30% of HSPs are extroverts like me though), inhibitedness, and fearfulness.
This has been extremely helpful for me during this time to better understand myself, allow myself more empathy and acceptance, and learn how to live in this world as an HSP. I’ve had the book awhile now and have read parts of it. But for some reason, I have not managed to fully accept myself as being this way, and I believe that this could be one of the main reasons I am sick right now. Dr. Aron talks about how difficult it is for HSPs to find a job that fits them. We tend to enter into the helping professions and then feel very overwhelmed. Hmmm… sounds familiar.
I’m not ready to give up social work yet. I can imagine myself having a private practice someday, seeing one client at a time and being in charge of my own schedule. But until I’m old and wise and people want to come to me, what do I do???
http://www.hsperson.com/
I know other 20 and 30-somethings that just keep going back to school because that’s what they’re good at. I don’t really want to go back to school. I was good at it. But I don’t love it like some people do. But shit, this job thing is HARD!
I’m reading “The Highly Sensitive Person” by Elaine Aron. It talks about how 15-20% of the population are “Highly Sensitive People” which means our nervous systems are more sensitive to subtleties. Our sight, hearing, and sense of smell are not necessarily keener, although they may be (mine are), but our brain processes information and reflects on it more deeply. And unfortunately it also means that we tend to be more easily overstimulated, stressed out, overwhelmed. The trait is not something new--it has been mislabeled as shyness, introversion (30% of HSPs are extroverts like me though), inhibitedness, and fearfulness.
This has been extremely helpful for me during this time to better understand myself, allow myself more empathy and acceptance, and learn how to live in this world as an HSP. I’ve had the book awhile now and have read parts of it. But for some reason, I have not managed to fully accept myself as being this way, and I believe that this could be one of the main reasons I am sick right now. Dr. Aron talks about how difficult it is for HSPs to find a job that fits them. We tend to enter into the helping professions and then feel very overwhelmed. Hmmm… sounds familiar.
I’m not ready to give up social work yet. I can imagine myself having a private practice someday, seeing one client at a time and being in charge of my own schedule. But until I’m old and wise and people want to come to me, what do I do???
http://www.hsperson.com/
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