flying is weird

So I was a little nervous about riding the plane to the midwest. I was trying my best to prepare myself mentally. My overly-ambitious goal was to miraculously never be afraid of riding a plane again after this trip! My main issue is claustrophobia, and I constantly try to decide whether to get on the plane or not while at the airport. And even when I’m on the plane on the runway, I’m trying to decide whether to just sit there or whether I should jump up and start screaming, "Let me off this fucking plane!!"

So this time, I decided to make the decision to get on the plane and stay on the plane ahead of time. Trying to decide whether to ride or not is pretty dang anxiety provoking as you can imagine. So that part worked! The day of the flight, I told myself I was choosing to get on the plane no matter how afraid I was feeling. Nobody was forcing me to get on the plane. But there was a part of me that believed it would be okay and that part of me had already chosen to get on no matter what. (Cognitive-behavioral therapy with a dash of internal family systems, I think??) I walked on the plane without wondering if it was the right thing to do, and I wasn't too nervous about it!

However, it ended up to be a pretty uncomfortable flight. It was a non-stop red-eye, and I didn't sleep the whole way. (Dan did, of course.) I was feeling pretty symptomatic (migrainey, etc.) and fought anxiety on and off the whole time. Toward the end of a flight, a toddler was screaming at the top of his lungs, “I WANT THIS PLANE TO LAAAAAAND!!!!” It was awesome. Being a kid, he was probably soaking up all our collective anxiety, and I was so relieved somebody was expressing it!

But then we were there. I was relieved and happy and in the arms of Heidi-lou. But there was also a part of me still disappointed that it wasn't the miraculous fear-free flight that I was hoping for.

The flights back were slightly less uncomfortable. And I found myself again committed to getting on the flights no matter how afraid or uncomfortable I felt. We flew during the day and stopped halfway in Colorado which helped.

Now I’m back in SF, on the ground, not flying in some sort of weird contraption in the air having no freakin’ clue to the physics (?) of why it can fly . . .and I feel pretty satisfied at how it went. Just like it was easier on the flights back, I have hope that each flight will get less and less difficult. And I decided that baby steps toward a miracle are miraculous in themselves.

midwest is best

Back from a lovely trip to the Midwest!

Highlights include:

-surviving the plane rides- woo hoo!
-hanging with Hez and Matt in Evanston, finding a network chiro right in their neighborhood to fix me after the flight, a walk to Lake Michigan on warm, balmy night right before the storm came
-a real thunder and lightning storm to welcome us to the midwest! the power went out and everything!
- getting to Holland and meeting our niece and goddaughter Lily for the first time!
- a 4:00am trip to Meijer with Dan. It was 1:00am CA time- we have no idea why we were wide awake!
-hanging with Dan's family at Laura and Matt's beautiful home.
-Lily's baptism
-going to Saugatuck. I wouldn't mind having a summer home there.
-visiting Justin and fam and meeting Baby Connor
-Owen's quote: "Dad, how do you spell 'and then the goat kicked the sheep out of the barn?'"
-drive up to Mt. Pleasant- LOOOVE the fields and farms and flat!
-seeing Tarami and Justin and meeting Baby Channing for the first time! What a sweetie.
-dinner at Dad's with David, playing baseball in the yard
-blowing bubbles with Mom
-surprising the Ross boys at Caleb's open house. I almost started crying seeing each one of them run up to Dan to give him a huge hug. We didn't know if Caleb would remember him, but he ran up to us saying, "Dan and Jane! Dan and Jane!"
-Ian's open house
-hanging at David's beautiful home in Shepherd surrounded by cornfields
-Doozies icecream!
-more hanging with T and Justin
-church with Dad
-seeing Ryan and his family, meeting his girls for the first time!

Thanks, God, for the wonderful trip! Please help us find a way to spend our summers there! That would be awesome.