It's amazing how this huge wave of energy and hormones and joy! and excitement! has taken me over since my fear of pregnancy and birth have gradually dropped away. Looking back, I'm not sure when it happened exactly. But I am sure these last four years have partially been a preparation for this time, slowly but surely getting my body back into health with nutrition, different forms of bodywork and now exercise, among other things. I am filled with gratitude.
So now that Dan and I are a few months away from trying to conceive, I am trying to keep the Yin and Yang balance as I prepare/wait. On the one hand, I have all this ENERGY!!!! (SO MUCH ENERGY!!!!!! ), and I believe I have it for a reason so I've mostly been channeling it into preparing my body with exercise. I'm taking a pilates-type class focused on strengthening my core (and making me aware of muscles I will use for carrying and birthing later). And I'm taking a somato-psychic dance class that's simultaneously helping me to clear out while I strengthen and get my aerobic exercise in too. Also, besides seeing my regular bodyworkers, I started going to an acupuncturist specializing in prenatal care, and started taking my prenatal vitamins a few weeks ago (fun!).
But all of this yangy stuff can start to crowd out the yin stuff. And my constant list-making sometimes feels like it crosses over the line into wanting to control the outcome instead of preparing for whatever comes.
Dan got me the book "Birthing From Within" for my birthday and it's been a really nice reminder to prepare internally as well as externally. And by preparing internally, they pretty much mean: there is no possible way to prepare so stop trying already, drop ALL your expectations and follow the flow of things (your body, your instincts, etc., and I would also add the Divine Plan for my life, Dan's life, and baby's life). It also encourages us to do "birth art" in order to address underlying issues that might hinder our preparation. My first drawing was of me lying flat on my back smiling at my favorite beach with a sign over my head that said "STOP DOING." It makes me calm when I see it. And I breathe deeper.
My intention is to embody this message these next few months and let go into this dance of yang and yin, movement and stillness, doing and being, preparing and waiting. . . expectantly.
