Friday, November 4, 2011

eating for thousands

 So I’m trying to get rid of a parasite.  Yum. 

If you’ve ever had a parasite, you might know that it is a little difficult to get rid of.  To put it bluntly, there are too many bugs and too many eggs hidden in the tissue of my digestive organs to get rid of with a quick dose of antibiotics. Depending on the bugs, it can be a very slow and tedious.  You have to slowly make an inhospitable environment for the little buggers over time.  And if too many of them leave at once, everything else you’ve eaten goes with them, and you lose important nutrients like electrolytes, etc.  Fun, huh?

After I found out that I had one almost a year ago, I went to several different doctors, nutritionists, and friends that all had different advice.  But I finally found a nutritionist this summer whose advice really rang true for me, and I’ve been feeling really good ever since!!  I’ve been holding onto more meals and not feeling weak or migrainey.  Woo hoo!  I definitely think that I had this parasite during my chaotic 2009, and a lack of nutrition greatly influenced everything that happened that year.  (But of course, I have no regrets. Thank God for my Saturn Return!)

So part of my regimen includes eating a LOT more than I used to.  I eat at least 5 meals a day.  There’s a TON of things I can’t eat, so it’s easier to say what I am eating, which is:  hella protein including animal and fish protein, nuts and eggs, gluten-free grains, hella low-sugar vegetables, and the only processed food I eat is almond milk and almond butter.  I’m also trying to get rid of Candida (yeast overgrowth) at the same time so I’m eating very minimal fruit.  The food that I’m adding to my diet that slowly kills parasites and yeast are: probiotic/fermented food (saurkraut, kefir, yogurt, etc.), garlic, onions, coconut oil, ginger and pretty much any and all spices.

It’s challenging to have an extremely strict diet as you can imagine.  I miss chips most of all.  And I’ve been gluten-free for a few years now, but I still dream about garlic bread and pancakes.  Mmmmm.  It sucks going out to eat, and a couple of times I’ve felt like crying trying to find something on the menu to eat.  Everyone is watching while I try to find something I can eat, asking,  “Can you eat this?  Can you eat that?”  And I keep having to say, “No . .  .no . . .no”  It’s made me really feel for the hardcore vegans and better understand why they have to be so militant about it sometimes.   It takes a lot of discipline and confidence to have a different diet than everybody else.

But it’s not all woe-is-me!  I’m learning how to eat healthy, and I think this diet would be good for anyone even if they didn’t have a parasite.  I can’t imagine ever going back to a processed gluten diet in the future.  And at times, I’ve resented the fact that shopping and preparing and cooking food is such a gigantic part of my life.  But what the fuck else would I be doing?  Eating keeps us alive.  It’s kind of important.  And of course, in tons of other cultures their entire day revolves around cooking and eating. 

So since it IS such a huge part of my life now, I’ve been forced to enjoy it.  :)  And appreciate it.  And ritualize the grocery shopping.  And ritualize the cooking.  And get creative with my meals.  And learn to use spices.  And slow down when I eat.   And most of all, be thankful.



Tuesday, November 1, 2011

nanny update


So I’ve been at my new nanny job for 8 weeks now.  Baby V was about 3 1/2 months when I started.  She’s super cute, of course.  Having some distance from my last job has allowed me to do some processing.  I feel so much more relaxed with the new family.  Baby V’s mom is home sometimes and is much more pleasant to be around since she doesn’t use me as a soundboard to complain about anything and everything.  We actually have conversations where I get to speak too.  And most importantly, I don’t feel like I have to make up for any loss of love or attention that the baby isn’t getting.  Baby V’s mom is super attentive and empathic with her daughter.  I did not know what a RELIEF this would be!  This is allowing me to have a healthier, less intense relationship with her.   I just feel like I go and chill with Baby V instead of playing a protective role and trying to fill her up emotionally.  Phew!

Meanwhile, I didn’t see Baby E for about 6 weeks and did a lot of grieving and processing during that time.  Then the day care that they were sending him to didn’t work out (one of the workers showed up to the day care stoned) so I started helping out with him one to two days a week.  It was wonderful to see him and I was relieved that he remembered me and also that he was doing just fine without me! ;) They just found a new day care for him last week so I don’t know how often I’ll be seeing him.  But I feel like being with him the last month has been sort of a good weaning process for me and I feel more able to let go now.  Also, hoping his mom has seen how much I care about him, and will keep calling me when she needs an extra hand!